Placing my watch on the table, I gulped some water from the bottle, took my earphones buried them into my ears, jumped on to my bed and leaned back listening to the song. In that dark room I am left alone, my thoughts, happiness, memories abandon me. I slept on my messy bed and stayed thought less. A thin ray of light with the slim breath was hitting my eye from the window, which is just beside my bed. With a heavy breath I got up, opened the window, let my hair loose and was just staring the world outside the window. The sight blurred with a thin layer of tear in my eyes.
Tickling my foot my two month old dog signed for its wish to have an evening walk in that perfect weather. I took her in my hands; brushing its fur with my figures I stood still in front of the window, staring out the world in front of me. She started licking my hand and with a shrill bark, she ordered me to accompany her for a walk. I unplug my ear phones tied my shoe tight , with the hoody on my tied hair , I locked my room and started walking with my dog in that open park, just beside my room. Fitness freaks running to their highest sprint, kids playing on the grass, people in their second innings making their memories strong, lovers just feeling the silence of their love, cool breeze, dominating dusk and the birds flying back to the nests, everything seemed perfect. I sat there on the bench, locked my hands around my dog and was watching the entire world around with no feeling of life. Resting my head on the bench, feeling the cool breeze on my wavy hair, I just closed my eyes.
Hey Juana! I scored 9.5 on 10 and I am very happy cried a voice, there I sat in front of my laptop wondering what will my result be. I sat staring at my laptop with no life in my eyes. My result showed me that I failed in 4 subjects. I saw my result and wheezed long breath. This is not new to me. Failure is my habit . I am seeing the same result from past two years. Every time I see my result I get the same failure. Every time I recollect my scrolling achievements as a top student in the school, I stand with no answer, to the question “why is my life turning this way?” Going through the formal monotonous education system, not knowing what to do with life, a blurred dream, unsatisfied achievements everything started rounding my brain, I sat their staring at the laptop screen. With a harsh vibration rang my phone, it was my mother. With a deep tone she started with a formal “hello”, and straight away went her voice to enquire my result. I honestly told that I flunked four subjects. With a restless tone she told “again the same thing with you”. Not knowing what to tell I stayed silent signing my shameful apology. I heard the phone hanging up with a beep sound, meaning my mom cut the call .My heart started yelling at me,“What are you doing with your life?” “What have you done in your 20 years of life?” Questions started rushing through. I sat their unanswered. My phone beeped, it was a mail from a local publisher. It said “Sorry, your article has been rejected from getting published in the local paper”. With no sign of an expression I leaned back and started completing my sketch on that paper. I heard the ringing of the college bell. Time for the second half of the classes, my friend told “hey rush up, its time”, shutting down my laptop,leaving my sketch incomplete, keeping my lunch box in my bag I walked restlessly to the class. Nothing seemed mine in this world, brooding over my failures I just sat there. Tears were about to ooze out of my eyes. Before my professor entering the class I left the class and sat in the college café. Sitting on that chair I started asking myself, “why can’t I celebrate success? Why am I not instrumental to the world around?”. As usual, I got answers for none. With a harsh push of the chair, I went to the parking lot, took my bike and with an electrifying start I rushed. the whole day flashed in front of my closed eyes.
A shrill bark of my dog made my eyes open. The sun is almost ready to wave good bye,in that park with a perfect weather; I am sitting here, with a heavy breath I started chopping my nail polish, just wondering why my stars are not on my side?
My dog started licking my right hand. Placing her aside I started turning the ring studded deep blue with a sapphire,I was lost in thoughts, with a stare at my lucky stone on the ring which was gifted by my mother for my serial failures. With a neglected smile I questioned “How will this blue stone turn me lucky?”.”How blue is my sapphire to make me lucky enough?” . I asked myself,staring at that finely cut blue stone studded in the ring of my right hand.
With a heavy breath I leaned my head on the top apex of the bench.
With a noticeable consciousness I can see the majestic blue sky in front of my eyes. It was infinitely blue with a magnificent sight. Suddenly that stare to the sky made my heart light. Then came a thought, the answer to my question,”how blue is my sapphire” ,And it is as blue as the magnificent sky of dusk, which leaves a hope for a new tomorrow,the answer to my question resonated in my mind. Unquestionable happiness breezed my heart, putting my hoody on, I got up and started jogging with the hope of a better moment, with a smile on my face.
what do I do with this life?
What is my future going to be?
Will my past failure drive my future?
Will my life be useful to the people around?
I am pretty sure that every girl or a boy of age 20 will go through these questions like me.
But believing that my sapphire is as blue and magnificent as the sky above me I started jogging.
All of us live with our past. All of us allow it to shape our future. But some of us know how to shrug the past. I think that is who I am.